A few stories of victims and survivors of abuse...
Family Wants Others to Learn from Karen's Story
Karen Bass Tugman was shot and killed by her estranged husband, Mallory Tugman, in Baker City in 1998. Karen had been an outgoing and fun-loving young woman, but things began to change early in her marriage.
Friends and family saw the changes in Karen and knew there were marital problems, but they never suspected that Karen’s life was at stake. They didn't recognize the warning signs because they had never dealt with domestic violence. And they were never told of Mallory’s threats to kill his wife. With more awareness and support, they might have been able to prevent Karen’s death.
Karen’s sister wants everyone to watch for signs of abuse and express their concerns to suspected victims. She advises people to reassure victims that the abuse is not their fault and that no one deserves to be abused. Victims also need people to say, “When you’re ready to leave, we’ll be here to help you.”
Survivor Crusades to Make the Legal System Responsive to Victims and Families.
Danielle Tudor was raped in her home at age 17 by Richard Troy Gillmore, known as Portland’s infamous “Jogger Rapist.” He may have been responsible for more than 100 rapes, but at the time of his arrest the statute of limitations for rape cases in Oregon was only three years, so he could be prosecuted for only one rape. He was convicted but is eligible for parole every two years.
After years of personal struggle, Danielle has became a powerful advocate working to improve the criminal justice system that allows perpetrators to go free with few or no consequences for their actions.
To read her story in her own words go to the following site: http://www.kcsarc.org/finding-my-voice-made-me-stronger.
DV Victim Escapes Abuse and Isolation
A recent case illustrates how MayDay makes a difference in people’s lives. A young woman was referred to MayDay when the man she lived with was sent to jail. This gave her the opportunity to find the help she had never dared to seek. She told her MayDay advocate of the verbal, physical and sexual abuse she had experienced in the relationship.
She had been kept in complete isolation with checks on her phone calls and car mileage. Even her clothing and appearance were tightly controlled when she left the house. The advocate helped the young woman access resources and attend domestic violence recovery classes. She reconnected with her family and enrolled in school. As with many cases our advocate never knew how things turned out after this, but we hope the survivor had gained the skills and self-confidence to continue her new life away from abuse.
It Takes Time
A few years ago, a woman visited MayDay several times over a period of several months. Her stops were short because her abusive husband timed her shopping trips to town. Over time, she told of emotional and physical abuse (including the use of a cattle prod by her abuser).
The husband also controlled her purchases by giving her only enough money for items on the shopping list.
MayDay advocates shared information and provided personal care items the husband would not approve. They also discussed ideas for a safety plan.
Then the occasional visits stopped, causing great concern about the woman's safety. However, after some time, she called our office and reported that she had left her husband. She had contacted a friend about a place to stay, collected essential possessions, and escaped to start a new life.